Skip to main content

Logan Lucky



Logan Lucky - in which child beauty pageants are not played for comedy, but doing yoga is. Some schlub played by Channing Tatum is working in an underground construction site, and his name is Jimmy Logan, and he gets fired because he has a limp, and his daughter wants him to come to her Lil Miss West Virginia pageant rehearsals, but he's kinda busy getting drunk with his brother. His brother is Adam Driver, aka Clyde, who has a fake hand and is a total weirdo. So, they also have a sister who does hair and drives fast. The point is, it takes the plot a while to get going, and by then Jimmy has enlisted a group of rogue idiots to help him with his plan to steal money from the pneumatic tubes under the stadium he's been working under. For the plan, his one armed brother goes to prison, and breaks out with blonde numbskull Daniel Craig, and the rest of the prisoners do a fake riot to cover their absence. Its a small jail. So, they break into the tubes while a very famous race is happening above them, and I could not care less about it, but the movie does take time to set up a Seth MacFarlane character as ineffective comic relief. This dummy has an argument with one of his drivers, who the movie takes time to show eats sashimi and does yoga, and there's a subplot of an energy drink causing him to crash. Its fucking stupid. Anyway, the robbery works, but Jimmy returns a lot of the money to quell suspicions in the neighborhood. For the emotional climax, Jimmy shows up at the last minute to his daughter's pageant, where she literally throws aside her umbrella prop, and forgoes singing Rihanna to instead sing her daddy's favorite song, Country Roads, which is a good and magical song, and it WINS HER THE PAGEANT. Great. Everyone gets some money, I guess they kind of deserved it, and the FBI never gets them. I didn't want to see it because I thought it was gonna be a bunch of redneck nonsense, and it kinda was.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Crush

The Crush - in which Cary Elwes makes out with a teenage girl in 1993, and it wasn't me. Alicia Silverstone is amazing and charming. She plays Adrian, a teenage girl with very rich parents, one friend, and a tenuous grasp on reality. The protagonist is supposed to be this author, played by Cary Elwes, but dude's a creep, so he's the villain to me. Reframed: this guy moves into Adrien's parents'  carriage house, in the back yard, and I guess she's not used to it being rented out, because she keeps going in there. Like, she has no sense of boundaries, and it seems like no one has ever told her "no," in her whole, beautiful life. So, Wesley, from The Princess Bride, I mean, Cary Elwes, is friendly and charming to her, and obviously flattered by the attention of a young woman. Oh, she's 14. Yeah. So, she gets obsessed with him, and he encourages this friendship by talking to her, inviting her in, spending time with her, and taking her suggestions, like...

Death Wish

Death Wish (1974) - in which the justice system fails a man who lost his family, and he goes off the rails in finding personal justice. I mean vengeance. Charles Bronson plays Paul Kersey, a husband and father and architect, who has a nice NYC life. One day, near the beginning of the movie, Paul's wife is murdered and his daughter is raped into a catatonic state, from which she will not likely recover. Sexist. Anyways, Paul is destroyed, so his boss sends him out to New Mexico, or another lawless state, for a 3 month long project. Paul does some recovering while he is out there, and is befriended by his big money client, with a big hat and big guns. Upon arriving back in NYC, Paul is disheartened to find his daughter in terrible condition, and his son-in-law coping poorly. There have also been no arrests in his wife's murder, as the police are very busy with a crime spree related to gang violence. Paul is a really sympathetic guy, and his pain is visible, and very real. So,...

Event Horizon

Event Horizon - in which sci fi space body horror gets very fucking real, and totally gross. First, Lawrence Fishburne is a space captain named Miller, and his first mate is Joely Richardson, and she rocks. Her accent is real. A bunch of space sailors are escorting science genius Sam Neill to the wreckage of a space ship. It wasn't just a space ship, it was a massive black hole generating machine, and it recently re-emerged around Neptune, and now its just orbiting, being spooky af. To give all the details, Sam Neill, AKA Dr. Weir, is having creepy dreams about his dead wife in his cryo/gravi-sleep pod before they even get to the abandoned wreck. Oh, its called the Event Horizon. So, once the crew rolls up on Event Horizon they get nervous, because its creepy, and a few people go out to investigate the empty ship. Miller orders Dr. Weir to stay aboard their vessel, and he doesn't do a good job of listening. As soon as the crew splits up, one young guy gets sucked into the g...