Movies I've Seen

Get Out - in which an interracial couple has their love stymied by white girl's family's racism, abject dehumanization of Black people and human trafficking spliced with psychosurgery. Just kidding! The white girl is also a villian. Per Jordan Peele: The sunken place is a metaphor for the Black experience of being silenced, oppressed and subjugated in America.

Hot Fuzz - in which Simon Pegg plays a super cop in London, and he is transferred to a sleepy town in the country for being a go getter. In the country he meets Danny Butterman and makes his very first friend! Turns out, the town is not so sleepy, and Timothy Dalton is one of the leaders of a cult of old people who are murdering citizens to have a nicer town. Danny has a ton of movies, and he forces Sgnt Angle to watch all of them.

Star Wars 2 The Attack of the Clone Wars - in which stupid Hayden Christiansen has dopey hair and a creepy face and Queen Amadala looks like she can't stop retching in between takes. There is a plot to kill the senator, so she goes into hiding with Anakin as her body guard, but he can't stop whining about Obi Wan long enough to stick it in her. Gross. There is a clone army Obi Wan discovers on Camino, it appears that someone impersonated a jedi after his death to frame the jedi for secret war mongering. Palpatine's behind it all! The muddled plot drags on and Anakin kills a TON of sandpeople for not sending him a ransom note, reminding him to pick up his slave mother. Natalie Portman keeps her lunch down when Anakin confesses his geno-crime. She has an academy award. Not for this, though.  Somehow those dummies end up in an arena, maybe because Anakin went to "check something out," and Obi Wan tried to come save him, or find him to yell at him for abandoning hi...

Hellboy - in which Ron Pearlman plays Hellboy, AKA Anung Un Rama, who works for the government division of BPRD in New Jersey (!!). New agent is assigned to keeping Hellboy happy, but instead hits on his would be girlfriend, Selma Blair. Liz the Firestarter. Nice. Famous Russian bad guy Rasputin tries to convince Hellboy to join his weird evil family of sand/murder-bots and Skankoviches, but Hellboy has already tried pancakes, so he's on the side of maple syrup for eternity. John Hurt is his father who dies, Abe Sapien conspires with Dr. Broom to keep his cancer a secret from Hellboy. Not surprising anyone, Hellboy does not like being blindsided by death. Underground rampage ensues. Hellboy wins. except for losing his father.

Willard - in which Crispin Glover lives in the Psycho house with his gross old mom, one nice rat, one mean rat, and several hundred sheep rats. R Lee Ermee is his boss and some weird office where his father used to own the company, and he is the worst employee, that one new girl seems to like for plot related reasons. He tries to exclude the mean rat, Big Ben, but Ben isn't having it, and murders Willard's crazy mom somehow. The Ben frames the nice rat for being a rat in an office, and watches his demise. Willard cries. Unhinged Willard lives in growing squalor until Big Ben has had enough of him, survives a mouse trap, minus a paw, and leads the charge to kill their trainer and master, Rat King Willard.

Boogie Nights - in which Mark Wahlberg tells the classic story of a young man with a bad home life who is seduced into 1970's pornography by a Julianne Moore maternal figure and easy money. It lasts for a while, but eventually bottoms out. John C Riley is his friend til the end.

XX - in which 4 female filmmakers direct short horror films to varying degrees of success. Creepy dollhouse animations between shorts are hackneyed but enjoyable. Its classic horror-girl stuff, and I LOVE IT! "The Birthday Party" is enjoyable and funny starring Melanie Lynsky and a large panda suit. "The Box" had children starving themselves, cannibalism themes and a stupid ending. "Don't Fall" was so fucking scary, about being in the desert, climbing rocks and having better friends than siblings." "Her Only Living Son" was a decent sequel to an ending of Rosemary's Baby that didn't happen.

Spooks and Creeps - in which 6 horror-ish short films epitomize what the 90's looked like, but the date on the disk says 2005. Alice Cooper narrates some candy based cautionary tale, "Freakshow." Timothy Olphant has a doppleganger situation, also there is a large portion of the disk devoted to "Reducing Stanley," where a mean doctor of a father straps his only child to the bed in an effort to increase his baseball abilities. Glen Gulia stars in maybe "A Fate Fortold."

The Hills Have Eyes - in which a nice family who seems to get along and like each other are stuck out in the desert thanks to the exploratory whims of their red faced father. Harbinger at gas station does really seem to warn them of the trouble. They get broken down and trapped, and picked off one by one by an icky family of inbred weirdos. Who are definitely cannibals. The dad walks back to the gas station, but doesn't make it back alive. The hill girl helps save the baby and runs over a bunch of rocks with it. The baby is saved, one dog is murdered, the other dog saves the day.

Chaplin 1992 - In which Robert Downey Jr. plays Charlie Chaplin in a depressing biopic where Chaplin is not that funny off camera, and is hunted down by the US government for openly opposing facism. RDJ is also depressing in the role.