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Deadpool 2



Deadpool 2 - in which Deadpool cries like a bitch, and I do not. First of all, Deadpool is working, and then he goes home to celebrate an anniversary with his girlfriend, who tells him they can try to have a baby now. Also, he gives her a plot device for a gift, and she gives him her removed IUD. There is no sex scene, and then the two of them are just chilling, and some guy Deadpool neglected to murder comes and kills his girlfriend. Deadpool does not take it well, and even though he like, immediately got revenge on the guy who shot her. Ultimately, he feels both responsible and sad, so he tries to kill himself. It doesn't take. His friend, Colossus, shows up and takes DP to be a part of a B team of X-men, as an official trainee. They go to a showdown between a teen named Russel (Julian Dennison) and some jerks who run the orphanage he lives in. Russel wants to kill the guys who have been abusing him, and Deadpool kind of talks him down, until The kid tells him he was abused by the staff, and DP murders as many orphanage employees as possible until the feds rush in and collar them both, and cart them off to Super Jail. In superjail, Deadpool starts dying, which is great for him, because he's still feeling suicidal as fuck, and Russel is trying to make it in prison. Cable shows up from the future, and he tries to kill Russel, because in the future, Russel kills his family. DP wants to protect Russel cause he's just a kid, so he fights Cable a lot. Then, Russel gets away with Juggernaut, so Deadpool and accused rapist in real life TJ Miller hire a squad to go rescue Russel. They all end up dying except Domino, THANK GOD, because she is amazing. Domino helps DP rescue Russel and fight Cable, and then gets some of her own closure, because the final battle is at that orphanage, where apparently she was abused as well. So, DP and Cable start calling all of the orderlies and employees pedophiles, and I guess they are, and Russel is stalking the evil dude who ran the place, and in the end, Cable tries to kill Russel, but DP takes the bullet for him. It changes Russel's path away from murder, and the Back to the Future fading photo device of a singed teddy bear gets un-burned, so we know it worked. However, Deadpool doesn't actually die, because Cable uses his last time jump to plant the plot device on his costume, so it stops the bullet. The desired effect is still achieved, and everyone lives happily ever after, sort of.

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