Ghost Rider - in which Nic Cage plays Johnny Blaze and some rando plays Ghost Rider and Eva Mendez fails all women. To start, some teenagers play Johnny Blaze and Roxanne as a couple in love, but Johnny Blaze can't commit to her because he feels like carny trash, and his dad has cancer. So, when Johnny finds out about his dad's cancer, he gets real upset, and is therefore vulnerable when approached by a Devil, and gladly exchanges his soul for his father's health. Joke's on him, because the Devil is a jerk and as soon as the cancer is gone, Papa Blaze breaks his neck, I guess, or he is mangled by a ring of fire. Its hard to say. Sad, though. Okay, so thirty years go by before Mr. Devil cashes in his Johnny Blaze favor, but in a chilling and tragic coincidence, he does it on the ONE NIGHT Blaze has a date to reconcile with Roxanne, whom he has run into as an adult. While Blaze turns into Ghost Rider and it looks terrible, poor Roxanne (Eva Mendes) is left stood up at a restaurant in a tight ass dress. Blaze never shows up, so Roxanne gets wine drunk and asks her waiter if he thinks she's pretty. Fuck this movie. There are some weak ass villains for him to fight, each with some dumb elemental power. Ghost Rider defeats them with ease. I guess the villains are supposed to be the plot of the movie, but nobody cares about them. Johnny Blaze gets some sage advice from a grave keeping Sam Elliot, who turns out to also be a Ghost Rider, and then he uses his last transformation available to change into Ghost Horse Rider to escort Johnny Blaze Ghost Rider to the final action scene. Then, having changed for nothing, he leaves. Probably dies. Ghost Rider defeats the Smiths stan villain, and decides to use his power of the Penitence Stare for the forces of good. Great.
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