Solo, A Star Wars Story

Solo: A Star Wars Story - in which Han Solo has a does his first big heist, and its not a great success, but he sort of figures it out by the end. Its fine. Its... its fine. The movie starts is when Han is a teenager, and he's been an orphan for a while now, but he's not alone because he has a girlfriend and they are running scams for a local mobster. He grifts a little off the top, and uses it to bribe his way off the most depressing planet I've seen in a long time. Han tries to bring his girlfriend Qi'ra, but they get busted and she's dragged back to her grimy life of crime. Something cringey happens at the space airport, but whatever, I'm over it. Han joins the Army to escape Corellia, but it isn't working out for Han, so he defects after they throw him to a literal wolf, except its a tortured Chewbacca, and Han rescues him! So, they escape together, Woody Harrelson gives them a lift, and invites them to a heist, but it goes south, and they lose all of the old crew. Then this other gangster, Dryden, shows up to intimidate Woody, and his favorite sex trafficked assistant is Qi'ra! So, they all put their heads together to go on a mission to get more space fuel. However, they need a fast ship, so they go and try to con one off of some suave motherfucker named Lando, and they fail, but then they offer him a share of the take, so he's in. Now, the Kessel Run. Spice Mines of Kessel, giant space Chthulu, robot insurrection, some enslaved wookies, expert piloting, Qi'ra is amazing and charming and so is Han. Everyone does a great job, BUT the same jags who blew up their first heist are trying to fuck up the second one. However, the professed causes of the jags touch Han's heart, and he tries to help them, because he's a nice guy. He ends up having to kill his mentor, Woody Harrelson, and the gangster Dryden. Qi'ra doesn't ride off with him into the galaxy-set, but she takes up the gangster mantle and her new boss is Darth Maul. Han and Lando and Chewie have a great time sailing off together, and it was a nice movie with a cool sideways train.

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Death Wish

Death Wish (1974) - in which the justice system fails a man who lost his family, and he goes off the rails in finding personal justice. I mean vengeance. Charles Bronson plays Paul Kersey, a husband and father and architect, who has a nice NYC life. One day, near the beginning of the movie, Paul's wife is murdered and his daughter is raped into a catatonic state, from which she will not likely recover. Sexist. Anyways, Paul is destroyed, so his boss sends him out to New Mexico, or another lawless state, for a 3 month long project. Paul does some recovering while he is out there, and is befriended by his big money client, with a big hat and big guns. Upon arriving back in NYC, Paul is disheartened to find his daughter in terrible condition, and his son-in-law coping poorly. There have also been no arrests in his wife's murder, as the police are very busy with a crime spree related to gang violence. Paul is a really sympathetic guy, and his pain is visible, and very real. So,...

Event Horizon

Event Horizon - in which sci fi space body horror gets very fucking real, and totally gross. First, Lawrence Fishburne is a space captain named Miller, and his first mate is Joely Richardson, and she rocks. Her accent is real. A bunch of space sailors are escorting science genius Sam Neill to the wreckage of a space ship. It wasn't just a space ship, it was a massive black hole generating machine, and it recently re-emerged around Neptune, and now its just orbiting, being spooky af. To give all the details, Sam Neill, AKA Dr. Weir, is having creepy dreams about his dead wife in his cryo/gravi-sleep pod before they even get to the abandoned wreck. Oh, its called the Event Horizon. So, once the crew rolls up on Event Horizon they get nervous, because its creepy, and a few people go out to investigate the empty ship. Miller orders Dr. Weir to stay aboard their vessel, and he doesn't do a good job of listening. As soon as the crew splits up, one young guy gets sucked into the g...

Raw

Raw - in which France has the grossest veterinary school imaginable, and vegetarianism is the thinking woman's solution to the broken Greek system. Some skinny girl goes to the same veterinary school her older sister is currently attending, and her bitch sister doesn't even help her move in to the dorm she is sharing with a guy. Albeit a gay guy, but I'm assuming not all of the men in this coed dorm are gay. The first night the hazing begins, the freshmen are herded out of their rooms by threat of violence, and all of their mattresses are thrown onto the front lawn. It takes a surreal turn into gross-cinema discomfort at the rave they are all taken to and our tiny protagonist runs into her mean sister and is peer pressured into taking some club drugs. Things are just starting to get weird. Some kind of creepy things are happening, but it mostly just reminds me of the lonely horror of my college experience, except I wasn't peer pressured into eating a rabbit kidney, ...

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