The other worst Star wars

Star Wars 2 The Attack of the Clone Wars - in which stupid Hayden Christiansen has dopey hair and a creepy face and Queen Amadala looks like she can't stop retching in between takes. There is a plot to kill the senator, so she goes into hiding with Anakin as her body guard, but he can't stop whining about Obi Wan long enough to stick it in her. Gross. There is a clone army Obi Wan discovers on Camino, it appears that someone impersonated a jedi after his death to frame the jedi for secret war mongering. Palpatine's behind it all! The muddled plot drags on and Anakin kills a TON of sandpeople for not sending him a ransom note, reminding him to pick up his slave mother. Natalie Portman keeps her lunch down when Anakin confesses his geno-crime. She has an academy award. Not for this, though.
Somehow those dummies end up in an arena, maybe because Anakin went to "check something out," and Obi Wan tried to come save him, or find him to yell at him for abandoning his post, but that shouldn't matter, because he took the woman he was guarding to the dangerous location and almost got her killed there, instead. Many jedi show up and save the day with ONE MILLION light sabers. It ends at some point.

Comments

Death Wish

Death Wish (1974) - in which the justice system fails a man who lost his family, and he goes off the rails in finding personal justice. I mean vengeance. Charles Bronson plays Paul Kersey, a husband and father and architect, who has a nice NYC life. One day, near the beginning of the movie, Paul's wife is murdered and his daughter is raped into a catatonic state, from which she will not likely recover. Sexist. Anyways, Paul is destroyed, so his boss sends him out to New Mexico, or another lawless state, for a 3 month long project. Paul does some recovering while he is out there, and is befriended by his big money client, with a big hat and big guns. Upon arriving back in NYC, Paul is disheartened to find his daughter in terrible condition, and his son-in-law coping poorly. There have also been no arrests in his wife's murder, as the police are very busy with a crime spree related to gang violence. Paul is a really sympathetic guy, and his pain is visible, and very real. So,...

Deadpool 2

Deadpool 2 - in which Deadpool cries like a bitch, and I do not. First of all, Deadpool is working, and then he goes home to celebrate an anniversary with his girlfriend, who tells him they can try to have a baby now. Also, he gives her a plot device for a gift, and she gives him her removed IUD. There is no sex scene, and then the two of them are just chilling, and some guy Deadpool neglected to murder comes and kills his girlfriend. Deadpool does not take it well, and even though he like, immediately got revenge on the guy who shot her. Ultimately, he feels both responsible and sad, so he tries to kill himself. It doesn't take. His friend, Colossus, shows up and takes DP to be a part of a B team of X-men, as an official trainee. They go to a showdown between a teen named Russel (Julian Dennison) and some jerks who run the orphanage he lives in. Russel wants to kill the guys who have been abusing him, and Deadpool kind of talks him down, until The kid tells him he was abused b...

Raw

Raw - in which France has the grossest veterinary school imaginable, and vegetarianism is the thinking woman's solution to the broken Greek system. Some skinny girl goes to the same veterinary school her older sister is currently attending, and her bitch sister doesn't even help her move in to the dorm she is sharing with a guy. Albeit a gay guy, but I'm assuming not all of the men in this coed dorm are gay. The first night the hazing begins, the freshmen are herded out of their rooms by threat of violence, and all of their mattresses are thrown onto the front lawn. It takes a surreal turn into gross-cinema discomfort at the rave they are all taken to and our tiny protagonist runs into her mean sister and is peer pressured into taking some club drugs. Things are just starting to get weird. Some kind of creepy things are happening, but it mostly just reminds me of the lonely horror of my college experience, except I wasn't peer pressured into eating a rabbit kidney, ...

Movies I've Seen

Search This Blog