Guardians of the Galaxy 2

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 - in which Peter Quill (Star Lord) is interrupted while doing space hi-jinks with his motley crew by a Kurt Russel claiming to be his father. Ego (that's his name) is not lying, he really is Peter's dad, but Gamora doesn't trust him and neither does Drax. Drax, however, is distracted by Ego's pet empath with antennae. Rocket and Baby Groot and Nebula are stuck on a planet, fixing the ship. In the meantime, Yondu's crew does a mutiny because he is too soft on Peter, but that's because he feels paternal feels for him. Because he saved him when he found out what Ego was doing to the children Yondu had been smuggling for him. Side note: smuggling children breaks the Ravager code, so Yondu and his crew are exiled from Ravager business. The new crew finds the ship with Rocket working on it, and they eventually capture Rocket and Baby Groot, and Nebula is a natural leader, so the Ravagers just end up doing what she says. Yondu and Rocket are thrown in the brig while Baby Groot is tortured!

Meanwhile, Peter is connecting with his dad, and learning he is 50% celestial god, but then his father reveals that he was the one who gave Peter's mom cancer in the first place. Omg. Peter snaps out of his trance and immediately starts shooting Kurt Russell. Then its on, as Rocket and Yondu crash the scene after regaining control of the Ravager ship. Drax and Mantis are trying to help Peter fight Ego, and Gamora takes time to fist fight her sister Nebula for the last time. Its very satisfying. Peter sadly and nobly chooses to destroy the planet and Ego himself, and Yondu helps Peter escape, sacrificing his own life. His heroic actions were enough to earn him a Ravager funeral. Peter and Gamora are deciding to do Sam and Diane, and Rocket learned a valuable lesson about not pushing everyone away all the time. But probably still hiding behind sarcasm is fine.

Comments

The Crush

The Crush - in which Cary Elwes makes out with a teenage girl in 1993, and it wasn't me. Alicia Silverstone is amazing and charming. She plays Adrian, a teenage girl with very rich parents, one friend, and a tenuous grasp on reality. The protagonist is supposed to be this author, played by Cary Elwes, but dude's a creep, so he's the villain to me. Reframed: this guy moves into Adrien's parents' carriage house, in the back yard, and I guess she's not used to it being rented out, because she keeps going in there. Like, she has no sense of boundaries, and it seems like no one has ever told her "no," in her whole, beautiful life. So, Wesley, from The Princess Bride, I mean, Cary Elwes, is friendly and charming to her, and obviously flattered by the attention of a young woman. Oh, she's 14. Yeah. So, she gets obsessed with him, and he encourages this friendship by talking to her, inviting her in, spending time with her, and taking her suggestions, like...

Ghost Rider

Ghost Rider - in which Nic Cage plays Johnny Blaze and some rando plays Ghost Rider and Eva Mendez fails all women. To start, some teenagers play Johnny Blaze and Roxanne as a couple in love, but Johnny Blaze can't commit to her because he feels like carny trash, and his dad has cancer. So, when Johnny finds out about his dad's cancer, he gets real upset, and is therefore vulnerable when approached by a Devil, and gladly exchanges his soul for his father's health. Joke's on him, because the Devil is a jerk and as soon as the cancer is gone, Papa Blaze breaks his neck, I guess, or he is mangled by a ring of fire. Its hard to say. Sad, though. Okay, so thirty years go by before Mr. Devil cashes in his Johnny Blaze favor, but in a chilling and tragic coincidence, he does it on the ONE NIGHT Blaze has a date to reconcile with Roxanne, whom he has run into as an adult. While Blaze turns into Ghost Rider and it looks terrible, poor Roxanne (Eva Mendes) is left stood up at...

Event Horizon

Event Horizon - in which sci fi space body horror gets very fucking real, and totally gross. First, Lawrence Fishburne is a space captain named Miller, and his first mate is Joely Richardson, and she rocks. Her accent is real. A bunch of space sailors are escorting science genius Sam Neill to the wreckage of a space ship. It wasn't just a space ship, it was a massive black hole generating machine, and it recently re-emerged around Neptune, and now its just orbiting, being spooky af. To give all the details, Sam Neill, AKA Dr. Weir, is having creepy dreams about his dead wife in his cryo/gravi-sleep pod before they even get to the abandoned wreck. Oh, its called the Event Horizon. So, once the crew rolls up on Event Horizon they get nervous, because its creepy, and a few people go out to investigate the empty ship. Miller orders Dr. Weir to stay aboard their vessel, and he doesn't do a good job of listening. As soon as the crew splits up, one young guy gets sucked into the g...

Movies I've Seen

Search This Blog