Guardians of the Galaxy

Guardians of the Galaxy - in which Marvel studios gives a cartoon raccoon a machine gun, while DC was hiring the acclaimed author of Ice Age Continental Drift for the Wonder Woman screenplay. Motherfuckers. Okay, so Peter Quill, AKA Star-Lord, used to live on Earth, but he was abducted shortly after his mother's death, luckily with his backpack and some mix tapes. So, he is raised Ravager, and he's trying to break out, and steal stuff as a solo guy, but as soon as he gets his hands on a hot item, some scary guys are all over him, saying that they want the orb for some dummy named Ronin. Too bad, Ronin! Star-Lord makes it to this nice planet with proper cities, and goes to try to sell the orb, but the buyer backs out, once he hears that blue-faced Ronin wants it. Star-Lordhas picked up two tails, and green Gamora tackles him and tries to get the orb, but not for Ronin, even though her father sold her and her sister into Ronin-slavery, and this AWESOME, sassy raccoon and his bodyguard friend, the tree. So, everyone gets arrested for causing a scene and taken to a super max prison planet where they meet Lloyd Kaufman and their new friend Drax with the scars. Rocket breaks them out of the prison because Peter says he will split the profits from selling the orb to a guy Gamora knows, ps she is betraying Ronin because he is a jerk and she does not like being a slave. So, the gang brings the orb to Benecio del Toro, but his pink slave tries to grab it and harness its power to free herself, but it burns her alive from the inside instead. Peter and the gang take off with the infinity stone, but Ronin shows up to squash everyone, and he knows they are in a decaying giant monster brain because drunk Drax called him to bar fight. Idiots. They run away, but they figure out they need to stop Ronin from destroying the nice city they were in before, where John C Riley lives with his pink wife. The space police, the Nova Corps, show up after Star-Lord calls them to say where Ronin is, and that he has the infinity stone. Ronin fights through the Novawall, but Star-Lord and Rocket and Groot and Gamora and Drax have a plan and crash his ship from the inside, and then Peter tricks Ronin with dancing while Rocket saves the day. Peter is not 100% human, because he holds the infinity stone with his friends' help, then they put it back into the orb, gather the scraps of Groot, and make their way out into the wild black yonder.