Skip to main content

Conjuring 2



The Conjuring 2 - in which romance meets horror and a creepy nun fucks everyone up. First of all, this is another real case the Warrens worked, and the girls from the family are on the BD extras. Lorraine Warren is feeling rough from the exorcism she was party to recently, and she wants to take some time off from fighting monsters, and stick to lecturing. Ed is of course supportive, and for some reason she doesn't tell him that she has been seeing the horrifying monster nun Ed paints, because he is strong, hot, and also an artist. So, there is a family in northern London (for an accent, think Scary Spice AKA Mel B) with two boys and two girls, and just one mum, and they have been living in their house for a while, but the ghost of the old man who died there starts messing with the daughter, Janet. She stays home from school one day because she's sick, and he keeps changing her TV channel, and then he aggressively appears to her and yells at her to get out of the house. The Enfield haunting, as it came to be called, also has this amazing creepy Crooked Man that popped out of a toy and scared the shit out of everyone. Like, the second night of the haunting, the ghost moves all of the girls' furniture in front of the mom, so they run across the street and stay with neighbors. They call the police, and the ghost also messes with the coppers. The media gets a hold, and the story blows up, and so strangers come by and latch onto the situation to either communicate with the spirit, or to debunk the family's stories. Ed and Lorraine gets pulled in when the Catholic Church wants to investigate, but the situation is too hot for them to be seen there, so they send the Warrens in. The Enfield family is in so much pain, its hard for the Warrens to leave, even though Lorraine keeps saying she can't feel any presence, BUT she neglects to mention that she is feeling this pressing evil following her around, which is ironic, because it turns out to be the evil that has been haunting Lorraine, that is haunting the Enfield family. This gross demon, Valek, has been puppetting the ghost of the old man, and has full on possessed poor little Janet by the climax of the film. It is also somehow about Ed and Lorraine trusting each other, and using their loving relationship as a light during all the darkness they face, on the regular. Lorraine ends up saving both Ed and Janet, and the family gets to move back into their house. Its amazing.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Crush

The Crush - in which Cary Elwes makes out with a teenage girl in 1993, and it wasn't me. Alicia Silverstone is amazing and charming. She plays Adrian, a teenage girl with very rich parents, one friend, and a tenuous grasp on reality. The protagonist is supposed to be this author, played by Cary Elwes, but dude's a creep, so he's the villain to me. Reframed: this guy moves into Adrien's parents'  carriage house, in the back yard, and I guess she's not used to it being rented out, because she keeps going in there. Like, she has no sense of boundaries, and it seems like no one has ever told her "no," in her whole, beautiful life. So, Wesley, from The Princess Bride, I mean, Cary Elwes, is friendly and charming to her, and obviously flattered by the attention of a young woman. Oh, she's 14. Yeah. So, she gets obsessed with him, and he encourages this friendship by talking to her, inviting her in, spending time with her, and taking her suggestions, like...
Post a Comment
Read more

Ghost Rider

Ghost Rider - in which Nic Cage plays Johnny Blaze and some rando plays Ghost Rider and Eva Mendez fails all women. To start, some teenagers play Johnny Blaze and Roxanne as a couple in love, but Johnny Blaze can't commit to her because he feels like carny trash, and his dad has cancer. So, when Johnny finds out about his dad's cancer, he gets real upset, and is therefore vulnerable when approached by a Devil, and gladly exchanges his soul for his father's health. Joke's on him, because the Devil is a jerk and as soon as the cancer is gone, Papa Blaze breaks his neck, I guess, or he is mangled by a ring of fire. Its hard to say. Sad, though. Okay, so thirty years go by before Mr. Devil cashes in his Johnny Blaze favor, but in a chilling and tragic coincidence, he does it on the ONE NIGHT Blaze has a date to reconcile with Roxanne, whom he has run into as an adult. While Blaze turns into Ghost Rider and it looks terrible, poor Roxanne (Eva Mendes) is left stood up at...
Post a Comment
Read more

Event Horizon

Event Horizon - in which sci fi space body horror gets very fucking real, and totally gross. First, Lawrence Fishburne is a space captain named Miller, and his first mate is Joely Richardson, and she rocks. Her accent is real. A bunch of space sailors are escorting science genius Sam Neill to the wreckage of a space ship. It wasn't just a space ship, it was a massive black hole generating machine, and it recently re-emerged around Neptune, and now its just orbiting, being spooky af. To give all the details, Sam Neill, AKA Dr. Weir, is having creepy dreams about his dead wife in his cryo/gravi-sleep pod before they even get to the abandoned wreck. Oh, its called the Event Horizon. So, once the crew rolls up on Event Horizon they get nervous, because its creepy, and a few people go out to investigate the empty ship. Miller orders Dr. Weir to stay aboard their vessel, and he doesn't do a good job of listening. As soon as the crew splits up, one young guy gets sucked into the g...
1 comment
Read more