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Thor Ragnarok



Thor: Ragnarok - in which Thor and Loki team up to fight their hot sister after their only remaining parent dies. Odin dies while he's on earth, but he waited until Thor and Loki show up. They went looking for him in NYC, but got intercepted by Dr. Strange, who redirected them to Norway, the home of Odin's followers in Midgard. Odin passes into the wind, Thor and Loki are sad for a minute, and then their mean sister, Hela, shows up. She tells them she's the heir to Odin's throne, and also she's a maniacal beautiful genius who is going to conquer all of the worlds Odin did not. Which is most of them. They start to fight, but Loki the Idiot opens the bridge to Asgard, and Hela knocks Thor and Loki out of the rainbow bridge stream and makes it there alone. Let the conquering begin. Hela storms the palace and fucks the place up, and then she kills, like, the entire army because they won't fight for her. Next best thing, she raises an undead army from the corpses of soldiers buried under the capital mountain. Asgardians are terrified, and are hiding in the woods with the help of Heimdall and his magic sword, that he stole from the rainbow bridge toll booth.
   Meanwhile, Thor and Loki both got dropped on this weird planet that Jeff Goldblum is the boss of, and Hulk is the most popular guy there. Loki has sewn himself into the Great Leader's inner social circle, however, Thor has been chipped and restrained by a badass Valkyrie, and she sells him to fight in a gladiator match. For a lot of money. In the pen, Thor meets my new best friend, Corg, who is made of rocks, but perishable rocks, and is trying to start an uprising, but is having some communications trouble getting the word out. Thor goes to fight Hulk and almost wins, but they zap him. Oh, he's got this cool lightening power now, but he's gotta get real upset to use it, and also his hammer is gone, that bitch Hela broke it on purpose. So, Thor and Hulk hang out for a while, trying to get along, and Thor keeps trying to bring Banner back. He eventually gets Bruce Banner, who is delighted to be on another planet, and he forms a team to go save Asgard from Hela, enlisting Bruce, Valkyrie and Loki, maybe. They steal a ship and get off the weird planet, get to Asgard just in time, and they fight Hela. Thor can't defeat her, persay, but he can summon a hellfire god who can sure fucking eat her. All the Asgardians get on the big ship Loki and Corg stole, because Loki isn't really a bad guy, and he does miss his father, and now Thor has an eye patch, just like Odin.

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