The Ghost and the Darkness - in which Val Kilmer travels to colonial Africa as an engineer, but he cannot build his bridge because his village of workers keeps getting attacked by man-eating lions. Its basically Land-Jaws. He shoots one of these lions at first, but there are three of them, so two survive. His spunky friends cheer him on, but all the workers want to leave once the lions start invading camp and pulling guys out of their tents. Michael Douglass eventually shows up with a Remington and a bunch of natives. Together, the men track the lions and find their scary cave full of bones and skulls. After all the workers have fled in fear, Kilmer and Remington camp out in trees and finally kill the final lion. Then hollow bones Emily shows up with the baby, and the bridge of Tsavo eventually gets built.
Ghost Rider - in which Nic Cage plays Johnny Blaze and some rando plays Ghost Rider and Eva Mendez fails all women. To start, some teenagers play Johnny Blaze and Roxanne as a couple in love, but Johnny Blaze can't commit to her because he feels like carny trash, and his dad has cancer. So, when Johnny finds out about his dad's cancer, he gets real upset, and is therefore vulnerable when approached by a Devil, and gladly exchanges his soul for his father's health. Joke's on him, because the Devil is a jerk and as soon as the cancer is gone, Papa Blaze breaks his neck, I guess, or he is mangled by a ring of fire. Its hard to say. Sad, though. Okay, so thirty years go by before Mr. Devil cashes in his Johnny Blaze favor, but in a chilling and tragic coincidence, he does it on the ONE NIGHT Blaze has a date to reconcile with Roxanne, whom he has run into as an adult. While Blaze turns into Ghost Rider and it looks terrible, poor Roxanne (Eva Mendes) is left stood up at...

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