Judge Dredd - in which Sylvester Stallone tries to restore Law and Order to the East Coast Megacity, one urban mega block at a time. Um, Stallone plays Dredd, a judge who is found guilty of a crime he didn't commit, and he is exiled from the megacity. He wanders the wasteland for a little while, he finds a friend in Rob Schneider, and they sneak back into the megacity through a tunnel that shoots fire in regular internals, but they easily outrun the fire. Dredd has to get into command central to prove to the system he didn't actually break THE LAW, he is assisted by his former partner, a young woman who was hoping to learn so much from the honorable Judge Dredd, but I guess that didn't work out. So, Dredd and his codpiece break back into headquarters and manage to clear his name, despite the fact that public opinion is against him. Turns out, what had happened was that Dredd was framed for his crime with DNA from his clone brother, Rico, he didn't know about. Rico is both Armand Assante and relentless. Dredd exposes the existence of Rico and how bad he is, clearing his own name, and making the streets safe for him to patrol again. Remake was much better.
Ghost Rider - in which Nic Cage plays Johnny Blaze and some rando plays Ghost Rider and Eva Mendez fails all women. To start, some teenagers play Johnny Blaze and Roxanne as a couple in love, but Johnny Blaze can't commit to her because he feels like carny trash, and his dad has cancer. So, when Johnny finds out about his dad's cancer, he gets real upset, and is therefore vulnerable when approached by a Devil, and gladly exchanges his soul for his father's health. Joke's on him, because the Devil is a jerk and as soon as the cancer is gone, Papa Blaze breaks his neck, I guess, or he is mangled by a ring of fire. Its hard to say. Sad, though. Okay, so thirty years go by before Mr. Devil cashes in his Johnny Blaze favor, but in a chilling and tragic coincidence, he does it on the ONE NIGHT Blaze has a date to reconcile with Roxanne, whom he has run into as an adult. While Blaze turns into Ghost Rider and it looks terrible, poor Roxanne (Eva Mendes) is left stood up at...

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