Lord of Illusions

Lord of Illusions - in which Scott Bakula plays a private detective, Harry D'Amour, who travels to the west coast for a job, but ends up getting pulled into a crazy, dark, magical world because he can't stop being Dr. Sam Beckett, no matter what. Okay, so, initially there is this powerful cult leader named Nix who can do some real magic, and has attracted a small following of devoted weirdos, and they all live in this smashed out, wrecked house in the desert that no one would ever enter voluntarily. There was this guy who left the cult, Philip Swann, and he heard that Nix had kidnapped a 12 year old girl, so he and his friends who also left the cult, roll up with some weapons to save her. Nix pushes his fingers into Philip's mind and transfers a bunch of his power to him, after Nix flies down off of his hanging mid-air cross thing, made of bones and skin. Gross. okay, so the girl shoots Nix with Swann's gun, and while he's on the ground, they bind him with magic and some crazy iron contraption. Okay, so 20 years later, Swann is a magician for a living in Los Angeles, and he disappears, so his wife, Famke Jensen hires Harry D'Amour to find him, because Harry is already kind of involved because he found a psychic being murdered by one of Nix's devoted followers. Harry stays on the trail and goes to the Magic Castle in LA, where he meets another magician who he suspects, and one who tries to help. Harry eventually finds Swann, he had faked his own death. Swann's (former) assistant (not on stage), gets kidnapped by the remains of the cult because they want to find Nix's body and dig it up, and this assistant knows where it is. So, they find Nix's body and they have a crazy resurrection ceremony, someone has brought Famke Jensen there so Nix can eat her, but Swann comes to her rescue again, and defeats Nix for real with Harry's help. All of the cult members get sucked into the ground in the disgusting process. Harry and Famke walk out together, and live.

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Death Wish

Death Wish (1974) - in which the justice system fails a man who lost his family, and he goes off the rails in finding personal justice. I mean vengeance. Charles Bronson plays Paul Kersey, a husband and father and architect, who has a nice NYC life. One day, near the beginning of the movie, Paul's wife is murdered and his daughter is raped into a catatonic state, from which she will not likely recover. Sexist. Anyways, Paul is destroyed, so his boss sends him out to New Mexico, or another lawless state, for a 3 month long project. Paul does some recovering while he is out there, and is befriended by his big money client, with a big hat and big guns. Upon arriving back in NYC, Paul is disheartened to find his daughter in terrible condition, and his son-in-law coping poorly. There have also been no arrests in his wife's murder, as the police are very busy with a crime spree related to gang violence. Paul is a really sympathetic guy, and his pain is visible, and very real. So,...

Event Horizon

Event Horizon - in which sci fi space body horror gets very fucking real, and totally gross. First, Lawrence Fishburne is a space captain named Miller, and his first mate is Joely Richardson, and she rocks. Her accent is real. A bunch of space sailors are escorting science genius Sam Neill to the wreckage of a space ship. It wasn't just a space ship, it was a massive black hole generating machine, and it recently re-emerged around Neptune, and now its just orbiting, being spooky af. To give all the details, Sam Neill, AKA Dr. Weir, is having creepy dreams about his dead wife in his cryo/gravi-sleep pod before they even get to the abandoned wreck. Oh, its called the Event Horizon. So, once the crew rolls up on Event Horizon they get nervous, because its creepy, and a few people go out to investigate the empty ship. Miller orders Dr. Weir to stay aboard their vessel, and he doesn't do a good job of listening. As soon as the crew splits up, one young guy gets sucked into the g...

Raw

Raw - in which France has the grossest veterinary school imaginable, and vegetarianism is the thinking woman's solution to the broken Greek system. Some skinny girl goes to the same veterinary school her older sister is currently attending, and her bitch sister doesn't even help her move in to the dorm she is sharing with a guy. Albeit a gay guy, but I'm assuming not all of the men in this coed dorm are gay. The first night the hazing begins, the freshmen are herded out of their rooms by threat of violence, and all of their mattresses are thrown onto the front lawn. It takes a surreal turn into gross-cinema discomfort at the rave they are all taken to and our tiny protagonist runs into her mean sister and is peer pressured into taking some club drugs. Things are just starting to get weird. Some kind of creepy things are happening, but it mostly just reminds me of the lonely horror of my college experience, except I wasn't peer pressured into eating a rabbit kidney, ...

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