Amityville Horror

The Amityville Horror - in which a true life horror story gets actually nicer when made into a Hollywood movie. Before the movie starts, George Lutz married a nice Margot Kidder, named Kathy, and she already had a bunch of kids, but they seem to get along okay. Then, at the beginning of the movie, this young guy goes crazy and shoots his entire family in their beds, spookily, none of them are awakened or disturbed by the gunshots (ghosts!) and the scene is over. Back to the Lutzes... They move into a new, huge house, and the realtor has disclosed the gruesome history of the house to the Lutzes, we saw it, but they didn't care, and they moved their children into an affordable home, tainted with murder! And evil. So, this is the haunting movie of all hauntings. And I'll try not to mix it up with the Conjuring. So, George Lutz is always chilly, and things the solution is more firewood. The daughter makes a ghost friend, and no one thinks anything of it. While the family is outside, a priest comes by, per Kathy's Catholic request, to bless the house. They are all out back playing, so he just lets himself in, and gets to work. First, he gets swarmed by some bloat flies, and he can't open a window. And then an evil fucking voice tells him to Get Out! So, he dips, but he doesn't give up, and he keeps trying to get in touch with the Lutzes to warn them. So, that's like, one of the best parts of the movie, is the reach of the evil to Father Delaney, how he never gives up, and keeps hope ongoing. The other smart thing the movie does, is to keep the evil hidden from Kathy Lutz, so George thinks he's going insane, and they don't have enough reason to move out. Also, people in town keep doing double takes when they meet George, because he looks JUST like the guy who killed his family.
The evil won't let up, and soon George is obsessed with chopping wood and never letting the fire in the fireplace go out. While the parents are out one night, the ghost who befriended the daughter locks the babysitter in the closet, like, for hours, and her hands are all bloody from banging on the closet door. The creepiness keeps escalating, until the final night, when the walls start bleeding, and the evil in the basement tries to eat them. They finally get out of the house, but George goes back for the dog! Everyone lives, and no one is emotionally abused, or tricked into living in a house known in the Satanic community for its evil powers.

PS The re-make sucks.

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Death Wish

Death Wish (1974) - in which the justice system fails a man who lost his family, and he goes off the rails in finding personal justice. I mean vengeance. Charles Bronson plays Paul Kersey, a husband and father and architect, who has a nice NYC life. One day, near the beginning of the movie, Paul's wife is murdered and his daughter is raped into a catatonic state, from which she will not likely recover. Sexist. Anyways, Paul is destroyed, so his boss sends him out to New Mexico, or another lawless state, for a 3 month long project. Paul does some recovering while he is out there, and is befriended by his big money client, with a big hat and big guns. Upon arriving back in NYC, Paul is disheartened to find his daughter in terrible condition, and his son-in-law coping poorly. There have also been no arrests in his wife's murder, as the police are very busy with a crime spree related to gang violence. Paul is a really sympathetic guy, and his pain is visible, and very real. So,...

Event Horizon

Event Horizon - in which sci fi space body horror gets very fucking real, and totally gross. First, Lawrence Fishburne is a space captain named Miller, and his first mate is Joely Richardson, and she rocks. Her accent is real. A bunch of space sailors are escorting science genius Sam Neill to the wreckage of a space ship. It wasn't just a space ship, it was a massive black hole generating machine, and it recently re-emerged around Neptune, and now its just orbiting, being spooky af. To give all the details, Sam Neill, AKA Dr. Weir, is having creepy dreams about his dead wife in his cryo/gravi-sleep pod before they even get to the abandoned wreck. Oh, its called the Event Horizon. So, once the crew rolls up on Event Horizon they get nervous, because its creepy, and a few people go out to investigate the empty ship. Miller orders Dr. Weir to stay aboard their vessel, and he doesn't do a good job of listening. As soon as the crew splits up, one young guy gets sucked into the g...

Raw

Raw - in which France has the grossest veterinary school imaginable, and vegetarianism is the thinking woman's solution to the broken Greek system. Some skinny girl goes to the same veterinary school her older sister is currently attending, and her bitch sister doesn't even help her move in to the dorm she is sharing with a guy. Albeit a gay guy, but I'm assuming not all of the men in this coed dorm are gay. The first night the hazing begins, the freshmen are herded out of their rooms by threat of violence, and all of their mattresses are thrown onto the front lawn. It takes a surreal turn into gross-cinema discomfort at the rave they are all taken to and our tiny protagonist runs into her mean sister and is peer pressured into taking some club drugs. Things are just starting to get weird. Some kind of creepy things are happening, but it mostly just reminds me of the lonely horror of my college experience, except I wasn't peer pressured into eating a rabbit kidney, ...

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