Jeepers Creepers

Jeepers Creepers - in which Justin Long tries to be a good person, but he chose the wrong country road to do it on. Justin and his sister are driving along the country roads of central Florida, going home to see their parents when they encounter a hooop-dee from 1925 who appears to be the most aggressive driver ever. He passes them, but a few minutes later they pass the evil truck on the side of the road, where they clearly see the driver carrying a body wrapped in a bloody sheet, and tossing it down some weird tube. Like a normal person, the sister wants to go and get the police, but like a hero, Justin wants to go look down the tube and see if the bloody sheet still has a pulse. Truthfully, when they go to the pipe, they do hear someone alive at the bottom of it, which Justin confirms by accidentally sliding down the horror pipe and finding a dying guy who tells him to run.
Amazingly, I did not turn the movie off, and then in the next scene, Justin Long finds an escape from the cathedral of petrified and Frankensteined bodies and he and his sister take off. However, the driver of the horror truck is not some deranged hick, but it actually a fucking monster moth man called The Creeper who eats people, and then brags about it with vanity plates. So, he gets the scent of Justin and spends the rest of the movie tracking and scaring and hunting him. They are trying to call for help from a diner, where they get a phone call from a nice psychic lady who is trying to warn them of the impending danger. They get down to the police station, for safety, and the psychic meets them there, and she's real apologetic. They yell at her to have clearer visions, but obviously she was already trying that, and it never works. The Creeper finds them there, fucks up the station, some prisoners, and bunch of cops. He grabs nice Justin Long, and flies off with him, taking him to his doom. He has to start a whole new nightmare cathedral, and after he consumes the eyes, he petrifies Justin's body for arts and crafts.

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Death Wish

Death Wish (1974) - in which the justice system fails a man who lost his family, and he goes off the rails in finding personal justice. I mean vengeance. Charles Bronson plays Paul Kersey, a husband and father and architect, who has a nice NYC life. One day, near the beginning of the movie, Paul's wife is murdered and his daughter is raped into a catatonic state, from which she will not likely recover. Sexist. Anyways, Paul is destroyed, so his boss sends him out to New Mexico, or another lawless state, for a 3 month long project. Paul does some recovering while he is out there, and is befriended by his big money client, with a big hat and big guns. Upon arriving back in NYC, Paul is disheartened to find his daughter in terrible condition, and his son-in-law coping poorly. There have also been no arrests in his wife's murder, as the police are very busy with a crime spree related to gang violence. Paul is a really sympathetic guy, and his pain is visible, and very real. So,...

Event Horizon

Event Horizon - in which sci fi space body horror gets very fucking real, and totally gross. First, Lawrence Fishburne is a space captain named Miller, and his first mate is Joely Richardson, and she rocks. Her accent is real. A bunch of space sailors are escorting science genius Sam Neill to the wreckage of a space ship. It wasn't just a space ship, it was a massive black hole generating machine, and it recently re-emerged around Neptune, and now its just orbiting, being spooky af. To give all the details, Sam Neill, AKA Dr. Weir, is having creepy dreams about his dead wife in his cryo/gravi-sleep pod before they even get to the abandoned wreck. Oh, its called the Event Horizon. So, once the crew rolls up on Event Horizon they get nervous, because its creepy, and a few people go out to investigate the empty ship. Miller orders Dr. Weir to stay aboard their vessel, and he doesn't do a good job of listening. As soon as the crew splits up, one young guy gets sucked into the g...

Raw

Raw - in which France has the grossest veterinary school imaginable, and vegetarianism is the thinking woman's solution to the broken Greek system. Some skinny girl goes to the same veterinary school her older sister is currently attending, and her bitch sister doesn't even help her move in to the dorm she is sharing with a guy. Albeit a gay guy, but I'm assuming not all of the men in this coed dorm are gay. The first night the hazing begins, the freshmen are herded out of their rooms by threat of violence, and all of their mattresses are thrown onto the front lawn. It takes a surreal turn into gross-cinema discomfort at the rave they are all taken to and our tiny protagonist runs into her mean sister and is peer pressured into taking some club drugs. Things are just starting to get weird. Some kind of creepy things are happening, but it mostly just reminds me of the lonely horror of my college experience, except I wasn't peer pressured into eating a rabbit kidney, ...

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