Skip to main content

Atomic Blonde



Atomic Blonde - in which all of my hopes and wet dreams for a female led, stunt heavy, action-packed, compelling movie were slowly bled out over the course of 2 hours. Okay, so, there is a muddled plot about spies, and MI6 sends Charlize Theron into 1989 Berlin, Germany, to retrieve a stolen noc list, bring home her former lover's body, and maybe identify a double agent, if there's time. James McAvoy is her contact in Berlin, and he's always going from West to East Berlin in some underground tunnels. He does not seem real trustworthy. Also, Charlize is made by the KGB the moment she steps off the plane in Berlin, and she doesn't really do anything about it, besides lose the tail. Which I'm sure they picked right back up a few minutes later. There's always some dumb 80's song playing that has nothing to do with what is going on in the scene. So, truthfully, the plot doesn't really get a lot done, she just tries to get information, but she can't trust anyone, so she can't rely on any information they provide her.
   And then there is this pretty, French, brunette agent, who cries when Charlize points a gun to her head and says that being a spy is hard. Like, harder than she thought it would be. It's hard to tell if Charlize falls for it, or if she just sleeps with her because she's hot. Doesn't seem to matter. The French woman is also a double agent, maybe? Its hard to tell, it seems like some reshoots (?) at the end of the movie paint Charlize as a triple agent, working for the USA. The whole thing is told through her debriefing a day after she gets back to London. There is also a guy in Berlin who memorized the noc list before delivering it to the murdered man, and they kinda want him, but I don't know why they don't just kill him before the Soviets get to him. He dies anyway, so the whole time spent tracking him down and trying to save him is a waste. That's when the coolest fight scene happens, but its like, the one scene they don't play music for. There are a bunch of things that don't add up, and also some other things that are boring. Her makeup was on fleek for real, though. Major disappointment.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Death Wish

Death Wish (1974) - in which the justice system fails a man who lost his family, and he goes off the rails in finding personal justice. I mean vengeance. Charles Bronson plays Paul Kersey, a husband and father and architect, who has a nice NYC life. One day, near the beginning of the movie, Paul's wife is murdered and his daughter is raped into a catatonic state, from which she will not likely recover. Sexist. Anyways, Paul is destroyed, so his boss sends him out to New Mexico, or another lawless state, for a 3 month long project. Paul does some recovering while he is out there, and is befriended by his big money client, with a big hat and big guns. Upon arriving back in NYC, Paul is disheartened to find his daughter in terrible condition, and his son-in-law coping poorly. There have also been no arrests in his wife's murder, as the police are very busy with a crime spree related to gang violence. Paul is a really sympathetic guy, and his pain is visible, and very real. So,...
1 comment
Read more

Event Horizon

Event Horizon - in which sci fi space body horror gets very fucking real, and totally gross. First, Lawrence Fishburne is a space captain named Miller, and his first mate is Joely Richardson, and she rocks. Her accent is real. A bunch of space sailors are escorting science genius Sam Neill to the wreckage of a space ship. It wasn't just a space ship, it was a massive black hole generating machine, and it recently re-emerged around Neptune, and now its just orbiting, being spooky af. To give all the details, Sam Neill, AKA Dr. Weir, is having creepy dreams about his dead wife in his cryo/gravi-sleep pod before they even get to the abandoned wreck. Oh, its called the Event Horizon. So, once the crew rolls up on Event Horizon they get nervous, because its creepy, and a few people go out to investigate the empty ship. Miller orders Dr. Weir to stay aboard their vessel, and he doesn't do a good job of listening. As soon as the crew splits up, one young guy gets sucked into the g...
1 comment
Read more

Arrival

Arrival - in which aliens come by the earth to make some new friends, and it goes okay. First, some scary ships have descended on Earth, and there's a bunch of them, like 30, and they just look like hovering rocks. The militaries of the world are cooperating with each other, except the jerks like N. Korea and Russia, and the other new axis guys. So, the plot happens when Forest Whitaker comes to find Amy Adams in the college where she works, this is while the alien invasion is new, and she is convinced to go help communicate with the aliens. She gets there and makes friends with physicist Jeremy Renner, and they work together to decipher the inky messages the squid-aliens transmit. The messages are all visual. They work on this together for months, hanging out in the ship with the aliens, struggling to communicate. Amy Adams starts having visions, or dreams, of the future, where she has a daughter, who dies of cancer, and she knew her daughter would have cancer and die, but she ...
1 comment
Read more