Skip to main content

Deranged

Deranged - in which the true, boring story of Ed Gein is told through the use of 70's era low-budget horror techniques and mediocre acting. Apparently, the movie has an alternate title, or, a subtitle of Confessions of a Necrophile. Gross. So, the main character is Ezra Cobb, AKA Ed Gein, and he is played by the snow-shovel killer neighbor from Home Alone. There are no children is this movie. So, the worst parts are when Ed is in some weird, carpeted club, talking to waitresses (who you murder when you can't find a prostitute!), and ordering drinks it doesn't look like he can afford. So, he brings home that one girl to murder by "acting natural" and convincing her to go against her instincts and protestations and enter his creepy home. Surprise! His mother's corpse is there, he dug her up because he missed her after her funeral. Bam! Kills her with blunt force trauma. It is only a surprise to her, not to the audience in any way. Soooo, he's got cereal bowls made out of human skulls, and then he kills another girl at some point, using much of the same methods. It takes forever, and all he wants to do is chop them up and replace decaying parts of his mother with parts of women he is definitely sexually  attracted to. Everything in this movie is gross. It even smells gross. Finally, the uncomfortable movie rolls some credits I think it already showed us, and we are left to try to think of a decent segue to having normal conversations or sexual relations, meanwhile not admitting any wrong doing about putting Deranged on in the first place. It's fine, I have a lot of other things to talk about.

PS. There is a narrator.





Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Crush

The Crush - in which Cary Elwes makes out with a teenage girl in 1993, and it wasn't me. Alicia Silverstone is amazing and charming. She plays Adrian, a teenage girl with very rich parents, one friend, and a tenuous grasp on reality. The protagonist is supposed to be this author, played by Cary Elwes, but dude's a creep, so he's the villain to me. Reframed: this guy moves into Adrien's parents'  carriage house, in the back yard, and I guess she's not used to it being rented out, because she keeps going in there. Like, she has no sense of boundaries, and it seems like no one has ever told her "no," in her whole, beautiful life. So, Wesley, from The Princess Bride, I mean, Cary Elwes, is friendly and charming to her, and obviously flattered by the attention of a young woman. Oh, she's 14. Yeah. So, she gets obsessed with him, and he encourages this friendship by talking to her, inviting her in, spending time with her, and taking her suggestions, like...
Post a Comment
Read more

Death Wish

Death Wish (1974) - in which the justice system fails a man who lost his family, and he goes off the rails in finding personal justice. I mean vengeance. Charles Bronson plays Paul Kersey, a husband and father and architect, who has a nice NYC life. One day, near the beginning of the movie, Paul's wife is murdered and his daughter is raped into a catatonic state, from which she will not likely recover. Sexist. Anyways, Paul is destroyed, so his boss sends him out to New Mexico, or another lawless state, for a 3 month long project. Paul does some recovering while he is out there, and is befriended by his big money client, with a big hat and big guns. Upon arriving back in NYC, Paul is disheartened to find his daughter in terrible condition, and his son-in-law coping poorly. There have also been no arrests in his wife's murder, as the police are very busy with a crime spree related to gang violence. Paul is a really sympathetic guy, and his pain is visible, and very real. So,...
1 comment
Read more

Event Horizon

Event Horizon - in which sci fi space body horror gets very fucking real, and totally gross. First, Lawrence Fishburne is a space captain named Miller, and his first mate is Joely Richardson, and she rocks. Her accent is real. A bunch of space sailors are escorting science genius Sam Neill to the wreckage of a space ship. It wasn't just a space ship, it was a massive black hole generating machine, and it recently re-emerged around Neptune, and now its just orbiting, being spooky af. To give all the details, Sam Neill, AKA Dr. Weir, is having creepy dreams about his dead wife in his cryo/gravi-sleep pod before they even get to the abandoned wreck. Oh, its called the Event Horizon. So, once the crew rolls up on Event Horizon they get nervous, because its creepy, and a few people go out to investigate the empty ship. Miller orders Dr. Weir to stay aboard their vessel, and he doesn't do a good job of listening. As soon as the crew splits up, one young guy gets sucked into the g...
1 comment
Read more