League of Extraodinary Gentlemen

League of Extraordinary Gentlemen - in which a beloved comic is scrubbed of all likeability, and the only remaining portions of the framework are name recognition and a Victorian time period in which to set a story. Mina Murray is not exactly a survivor of Dracula,she's a stupid vampire now (wow, now she's strong enough to add value to a team of men!) and Sean Connery does very little acting to convince me that he is Alan Quartermain. Captain Nemo has a stupid looking submarine ship, and the invisible Man is not a rapist. His makeup is good. Decent, anyways. A plot attacks them, and they are assembled like the period clothes wearing Avengers, they even have a Hulk, who is Mr. Hyde and Dr. Jekell. Hyde is easily the best part of the movie, I think he contributes to the plot by being a time bomb that goes off and pads things out. Oh, wait, Dorian Grey is there and he's pretending to not be evil, so he hires the LxG, I guess, but then he's evil, so his own plot will be his undoing. They have to go somewhere, and get something, it was too boring to pay attention to. Why would you set your climax in Venice at night? That car is dumb. Never again. Why does Sam own this?

Comments

Death Wish

Death Wish (1974) - in which the justice system fails a man who lost his family, and he goes off the rails in finding personal justice. I mean vengeance. Charles Bronson plays Paul Kersey, a husband and father and architect, who has a nice NYC life. One day, near the beginning of the movie, Paul's wife is murdered and his daughter is raped into a catatonic state, from which she will not likely recover. Sexist. Anyways, Paul is destroyed, so his boss sends him out to New Mexico, or another lawless state, for a 3 month long project. Paul does some recovering while he is out there, and is befriended by his big money client, with a big hat and big guns. Upon arriving back in NYC, Paul is disheartened to find his daughter in terrible condition, and his son-in-law coping poorly. There have also been no arrests in his wife's murder, as the police are very busy with a crime spree related to gang violence. Paul is a really sympathetic guy, and his pain is visible, and very real. So,...

Event Horizon

Event Horizon - in which sci fi space body horror gets very fucking real, and totally gross. First, Lawrence Fishburne is a space captain named Miller, and his first mate is Joely Richardson, and she rocks. Her accent is real. A bunch of space sailors are escorting science genius Sam Neill to the wreckage of a space ship. It wasn't just a space ship, it was a massive black hole generating machine, and it recently re-emerged around Neptune, and now its just orbiting, being spooky af. To give all the details, Sam Neill, AKA Dr. Weir, is having creepy dreams about his dead wife in his cryo/gravi-sleep pod before they even get to the abandoned wreck. Oh, its called the Event Horizon. So, once the crew rolls up on Event Horizon they get nervous, because its creepy, and a few people go out to investigate the empty ship. Miller orders Dr. Weir to stay aboard their vessel, and he doesn't do a good job of listening. As soon as the crew splits up, one young guy gets sucked into the g...

Raw

Raw - in which France has the grossest veterinary school imaginable, and vegetarianism is the thinking woman's solution to the broken Greek system. Some skinny girl goes to the same veterinary school her older sister is currently attending, and her bitch sister doesn't even help her move in to the dorm she is sharing with a guy. Albeit a gay guy, but I'm assuming not all of the men in this coed dorm are gay. The first night the hazing begins, the freshmen are herded out of their rooms by threat of violence, and all of their mattresses are thrown onto the front lawn. It takes a surreal turn into gross-cinema discomfort at the rave they are all taken to and our tiny protagonist runs into her mean sister and is peer pressured into taking some club drugs. Things are just starting to get weird. Some kind of creepy things are happening, but it mostly just reminds me of the lonely horror of my college experience, except I wasn't peer pressured into eating a rabbit kidney, ...

Movies I've Seen

Search This Blog