Skip to main content

Mad Max Fury Road



Fury Road - in which the apocalypse has gone terribly, and poor Mad Max has been alone in the desert so long, he has forgotten how to talk. First, he grumbles out some exposition, so we know how awful things have been for him, but he still has the Interceptor.  Not for long. Then, Max is overtaken by a gang of powder-skinned weirdos in savage vehicles that look like they used to be cars. They take him to a large mesa, he tries to escape, but he is recaptured and tattooed and caged. There is a strange and icky society that lives inside the mesas. And some deformed weirdos who live on the ground level of this city, The Citadel. So, Furiosa is an Imperator, which maybe what they call generals in Australia, with one mechanical arm, and she is leading a caravan of trucks to Gas Town to get gas, but she goes off the rails and it turns out she had a secret plan to escape from Immorten Joe the whole time, and she took his prized breeding women. Those poor girls. Anyway, on the road, they are spied to be off course and Immo Joe sends a bunch of war parties after the runaway trucks. Mad Max  is roped into this because he is brought along as a blood donor to the driver of one of the war cars, and he is strapped to the grille. Furiosa has made a deal to get a pass into some buzzard lands, but they don't want to do the deal because she brought more trouble than gas.
      A road chase ensues. There is a guy with a flame-throwing guitar, a bunch of pole-cat guys, and everyone keeps yelling about Valhalla. By the way, Immorten Joe is Toe Cutter. Just the same actor. So, Max gets mixed up with these women, and the war boy he was attached to turns into a stowaway on their rig. Max and Furiosa do not fall in love, but he still helps her get where she is going, but it turns out that her childhood home has been eaten by the desert as well. Max is just like, "Oh, well. Guess we have to turn around and take over the Citadel," and the other bitches are like, "Yeah! Good idea! Is it worth it?" And the breeder girls say, "It sure is. There is so much water, you're gonna take two baths." So Furiosa gets on board and they turn around and take over the Citadel by defeating stupid Immorten Joe on the road, with the help of the Vulvalini, the gang of old ladies Furiosa went "home" to. Max isn't gonna stay, though. He got a little sanity, and so, he's off to make friends with some more feral people, or whoever he finds in the Wasteland.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Ghost Rider

Ghost Rider - in which Nic Cage plays Johnny Blaze and some rando plays Ghost Rider and Eva Mendez fails all women. To start, some teenagers play Johnny Blaze and Roxanne as a couple in love, but Johnny Blaze can't commit to her because he feels like carny trash, and his dad has cancer. So, when Johnny finds out about his dad's cancer, he gets real upset, and is therefore vulnerable when approached by a Devil, and gladly exchanges his soul for his father's health. Joke's on him, because the Devil is a jerk and as soon as the cancer is gone, Papa Blaze breaks his neck, I guess, or he is mangled by a ring of fire. Its hard to say. Sad, though. Okay, so thirty years go by before Mr. Devil cashes in his Johnny Blaze favor, but in a chilling and tragic coincidence, he does it on the ONE NIGHT Blaze has a date to reconcile with Roxanne, whom he has run into as an adult. While Blaze turns into Ghost Rider and it looks terrible, poor Roxanne (Eva Mendes) is left stood up at...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Crush

The Crush - in which Cary Elwes makes out with a teenage girl in 1993, and it wasn't me. Alicia Silverstone is amazing and charming. She plays Adrian, a teenage girl with very rich parents, one friend, and a tenuous grasp on reality. The protagonist is supposed to be this author, played by Cary Elwes, but dude's a creep, so he's the villain to me. Reframed: this guy moves into Adrien's parents'  carriage house, in the back yard, and I guess she's not used to it being rented out, because she keeps going in there. Like, she has no sense of boundaries, and it seems like no one has ever told her "no," in her whole, beautiful life. So, Wesley, from The Princess Bride, I mean, Cary Elwes, is friendly and charming to her, and obviously flattered by the attention of a young woman. Oh, she's 14. Yeah. So, she gets obsessed with him, and he encourages this friendship by talking to her, inviting her in, spending time with her, and taking her suggestions, like...
Post a Comment
Read more

Duck Tales - Treasure of the Lost Lamp

Duck Tales: Treasure of the Lost Lamp - in which Scrooge McDuck and his 3 nephews go on a treasure hunting expedition and score big. So, Scrooge and a rival are hunting for a treasure in a cave, and he outwits them, and gets there first. But he is soon outwitted, and he loses the treasure, except a dinky lamp that they let Webby keep. There is a genie in the lamp! The children discover it, and make some dumb wishes, and its cute and fine. Until the rival, who is a shape shifting mage who previously owned the lamp, gets a hold of it again, and wishes himself the McDuck fortune. The mage wished for unlimited wished back in 42AD, so now he gets them. Well, he can't get away with it, and the ducks concoct a plan  to take back the lamp. Scrooge uses his 3rd wish to wish genie into be a real boy, so he can't be a slave anymore. It works. Everyone gets ice cream.
Post a Comment
Read more