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Salem's Lot



Salem's Lot - in which a large house in New England is creepy, and it freaks out this blonde guy so much, he makes a big deal about it to everyone. Omg, so, this whole, tiny town is creepy, and this one house is having a vampire delivered to it in the second hour of the movie, so, there's that to look forward to. Oh, good. I guess the first hour consists of scenes where people get acquainted cheating on their spouses. The protaganist, blonde author guy, keeps whining about how the house at the top of the hill is creepy. We know. That's where the vampire is being delivered. Also, there is a high school student who is also an amateur magician, but he is also trying to kill the vampire, once he gets there. There is a girl who is always following the author around, but she doesn't do much. Lives with her parents. Follows kids around, walks into evil houses without weapons.
    So, cool ass looking vampire shows up and starts to eat the whole town, turning adults and children into vampires along the way, so the exsanguination is exponential.  But the blonde author wants to stop him. So, he breaks into the house to slay vampire in his sleep, but the awesome kid has already beaten him to it, and is fighting the old guy antiques dealer ghoul when Blondie gets there. They defeat the bad guy, but have to go on the run, in South America, which they showed us at the beginning, but it was sooooo long ago, and we didn't have any idea what we were looking at because it didn't connect to anything in the first two and a half hours of the film. Mini-series. Whatever. The lady who got turned into a vampire has tracked them down, but Blondie slays her, too. I assume they stay off the grid, hunting vampires and using glowing holy water to do it. So. Boring.

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