Skip to main content

The Mummy

The Mummy - in which Brendan Fraser as Rick O'Connell escapes certain death multiple times, with some help from Rachael Weiss. Weiss plays Evie, a nerdy librarian with a drunk, possibly gay brother in Egypt, left there as adult orphans when their parents died at some point. Wait, in the beginning, a pharaoh is betrayed by his girlfriend and his high priest and they are both killed and the mage is named Imhotep, I think. So, several hundred years later, Evie and her bro get this map they think leads to the mysterious treasure city of Hamunaptra, and she hears there's a hot guy in town who will take you there for a fee. No, Rick is in jail, but the brother Jonathan stole the map from him before he was arrested. And sentenced to death. No, it's a key, not a map. Anyways, she saves Rick's life by purchasing his freedom from the sheriff, or whatever he is. Rick is very grateful and agrees to lead them to Hamunaptra, and is also apparently a good kisser. So, they get to going to the treasure city. On the ferry there, they meet a competing party, led by Rick's ex-friend, who betrayed him and left him to die during the war. You know damn well which war. He wears a fez. I guess those Americans are offering a lot of money. An action scene leads to the boat catching fire, and they have to walk the rest of the way to get to the camels.  They ride into the magical, hidden Hamunaptra just after dawn, and  are not discouraged by the uneasy feeling everyone seems to have. Oh, the Americans followed them in. They discover some caves and tombs and wet bodies, then this magical black book that the key fits into. Watch out for scarabs!  They get one of the ethnic guys.
    Imhotep gets out and sucks the life force out of several guys before he is whole and powerful, but his vision is still fucked up because he sucked his eyes from the skull of a guy who needed glasses. LoL. However, this leads to complications when he thinks Evie is his dead girlfriend Anhuk Sana Moon. So, obviously she gets kidnapped with the key to resurrect the girlfriend into Evie's body. Rick does some awesome stuff to save her, like going back underground, or like fighting a badass mummy and abandoning most of the treasure they find to save Evie. But they still get some of it in the end. Movie is better than the ride. But the ride is really good.




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Death Wish

Death Wish (1974) - in which the justice system fails a man who lost his family, and he goes off the rails in finding personal justice. I mean vengeance. Charles Bronson plays Paul Kersey, a husband and father and architect, who has a nice NYC life. One day, near the beginning of the movie, Paul's wife is murdered and his daughter is raped into a catatonic state, from which she will not likely recover. Sexist. Anyways, Paul is destroyed, so his boss sends him out to New Mexico, or another lawless state, for a 3 month long project. Paul does some recovering while he is out there, and is befriended by his big money client, with a big hat and big guns. Upon arriving back in NYC, Paul is disheartened to find his daughter in terrible condition, and his son-in-law coping poorly. There have also been no arrests in his wife's murder, as the police are very busy with a crime spree related to gang violence. Paul is a really sympathetic guy, and his pain is visible, and very real. So,...
1 comment
Read more

Event Horizon

Event Horizon - in which sci fi space body horror gets very fucking real, and totally gross. First, Lawrence Fishburne is a space captain named Miller, and his first mate is Joely Richardson, and she rocks. Her accent is real. A bunch of space sailors are escorting science genius Sam Neill to the wreckage of a space ship. It wasn't just a space ship, it was a massive black hole generating machine, and it recently re-emerged around Neptune, and now its just orbiting, being spooky af. To give all the details, Sam Neill, AKA Dr. Weir, is having creepy dreams about his dead wife in his cryo/gravi-sleep pod before they even get to the abandoned wreck. Oh, its called the Event Horizon. So, once the crew rolls up on Event Horizon they get nervous, because its creepy, and a few people go out to investigate the empty ship. Miller orders Dr. Weir to stay aboard their vessel, and he doesn't do a good job of listening. As soon as the crew splits up, one young guy gets sucked into the g...
1 comment
Read more

Raw

Raw - in which France has the grossest veterinary school imaginable, and vegetarianism is the thinking woman's solution to the broken Greek system. Some skinny girl goes to the same veterinary school her older sister is currently attending, and her bitch sister doesn't even help her move in to the dorm she is sharing with a guy. Albeit a gay guy, but I'm assuming not all of the men in this coed dorm are gay. The first night the hazing begins, the freshmen are herded out of their rooms by threat of violence, and all of their mattresses are thrown onto the front lawn. It takes a surreal turn into gross-cinema discomfort at the rave they are all taken to and our tiny protagonist runs into her mean sister and is peer pressured into taking some club drugs. Things are just starting to get weird. Some kind of creepy things are happening, but it mostly just reminds me of the lonely horror of my college experience, except I wasn't peer pressured into eating a rabbit kidney, ...
2 comments
Read more