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John Wick



John Wick - in which Keanu Reeves is an amazing human being and even more of a badass than we all thought he was. Okay, so John Wick used to be an assassin, but he buys his way out of this intense subculture so he can live happily with his adorable wife. The worst thing happens, and she gets really sick, and she can't recover, and she dies. It is so sad. But, she knew she was going to leave John, and didn't want him to be alone, so she arranged for a very adorable puppy named Daisy to be delivered to him after her funeral. It was a good plan, because John loves the puppy and he was gonna be alone otherwise. So, John is out running errands with Daisy in his 1969 Mustang, and some Russian punk at the gas station is a jerk to him, and tries to buy his car from him. John loves his car, and does NOT need the money, so he says the car isn't for sale, and politely goes on his way. Russian punk isn't used to hearing 'no,' so, like a psycho, he follows John Wick home and breaks into his house and beats him up and steals his car and they kill his goddamn dog. Motherfuckers. It's awful.
     The Russian punk takes the car to a chop shop and asks John Leguizamo for some new plates and VINs, but Leguizamo looks at the car, and knows its John's, and says he's not gonna do anything to it. The punk is a Russian mobster's son, and John is now coming for him, and everyone is getting out of his way. He checks into this Hotel de Assassin after he uses a sledgehammer to dig up all his assassin gear from the concrete in the basement. There, he gets the contacts to find where this dumb punk is, and the mob boss is sending all of his guys after John, and John cuts through them like a hot knife though butter. The best part of all of this is how much respect everyone seems to have for John, and how much trust and manners and condolences everyone has for him. John is not giving up, as he has literally nothing left to live for. As he is getting closer to the punk, he finally corners his father, and his mob boss dad gives him up, because he knows the kid is a fuck up, and that John kind of deserves revenge. John kills the stupid punk kid, I wish the Blu Ray had a kill count feature. The car fight at the end is amazing. All of the stunts are amazing, Keanu did them all himself, including the driving. Whew! What a ride, that was amazing.

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